Is it normal to want to cheat

A cheater or a dictator with the murder of thousands on his conscience? In my pain, I had decided that the man who cheated on me was evil, dark-hearted, a pox upon all the houses not just those found in Verona. Turns out my black and white view of infidelity wasn't the most honest way to look at it, sex therapist Vanessa Marin tells me. There are plenty of really great, wonderful people who cheat as well. People do bad things. I felt really trapped.

When another man approached her, Gloria acted on her attraction. This kind of story is common—and often the easiest to swallow for people who renounce adultery of any kind. But Marin says that cheating is almost never this cut-and-dry.

Instead, the person cheating is dealing with issues in their relationship with themselves. And so they look for an affair to fill some missing gap, fill some hole, help them figure out something going on within themselves. There may not be an issue in their relationship with their partner at all. The first step is to consider the very real consequences of cheating.

You should be fully aware of what could happen if you act on your desires. If you can, completely avoid seeing the person you're attracted to. Or, at the very least, try not to find yourself alone with them. Telling yourself you can be friends will only prolong your temptation, according to Edelman. It can also help to talk to an understanding friend or family member who wants to help keep you from cheating.

Telling your partner about your urge to cheat can be surprisingly helpful, and is much better than actually cheating. It is possible for a couple to rebuild their relationship after infidelity, but it can take a very long time. One of the best strategies is to get a good couples therapist to help you through the process. If you've been experiencing the desire to cheat and aren't sure why, here are some things it might mean.

Sometimes, people cheat because they don't know how to break up and infidelity gives them a good excuse. You may be tempted to sabotage your relationship because you're subconsciously scared of commitment, says Lozano.

If you think this might describe you, figure out if you actually want to end your relationship, and if so, be honest about why, or you'll just make the breakup worse for your partner. If you're looking for someone else to emotionally or sexually satisfy you, it's possible your partner's not taking care of those needs, says Lozano. In that case, you should tell them what you're missing so that they can try to fix it. It may be scary to ask for something when you don't know if your partner can provide it, but that's better than having to break up because they never even got the chance to please you.

Even someone who's highly satisfied with their relationship might feel the desire to cheat if someone very attractive or compatible with them comes along. In this happens, you need to weigh your connection with that person against your relationship with your partner, relationship and wellness coach Shula Melamed, MA, MPH tells Bustle. She suggests asking yourself the following questions: "Is it really necessary to cross the line from fantasy to reality? Are you willing to deal with the consequences should your partner find out?